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Running on Jewish Time

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Eavesdroppers

I write best when I think no one else is reading.

The I just wonder and analyze the world and think about things. and then write and rewrite inside my own head to articulate and refine the idea, letting the language shape the terms and the terms shape the language.

When I talk with someone, I listen to thier words, what they say, what they don't say, matching my ideas against their and try to speak to the person, the individual, to their world and thier mind and their emotions.

But when someone comes behind me and listens in, I freeze.
What I say to one person is not meant for another. To be heard without being answered, is to be evaluated, judged.

I have lots of opinions, lots of things to talk about, but you listen, you judge and I don't know what you think.
So I throw out something mediorce, not enough to attract ridicule, not worth a second glance, something sentimental and easily dimised as the sort of trite trash heard everywhere.

and when everyone stops looking, well, no expectation lead to very intresting places.

[i cringe to think of what this says about my self-esteem]

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