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Running on Jewish Time

Monday, August 15, 2005

Bitterness

Another friend engaged.

This time I can be a little prouder of my reaction. To yell 'yes!', to readily rejoice and only after to feel the longing, the long shadow curling behind me from the brilliant light of another happiness. Ready to turn and to say bitter things.

I am jealous, of the purity, more than anything else. Everything I have is so gray, so mixed so ambiguous that whatever small satisfaction that I get from it is always tinged with the sharp taste of knowing that this is not ideal.

Why do I live this way?
I've sold out. for my sake. for my parents sake....I've sold out.

I hate that and hate myself for it.

4 Comments:

  • I understand. Really, I do. You ARE happy, but there's always that frustrating tinge of...something else.

    I love this blog, and I plan IY"H on linking it.

    By Blogger Stx, at 4:47 PM, August 24, 2005  

  • thanks, though i don't know that i'm as good if i think other people are looking over my shoulder

    By Blogger Masmida, at 12:20 AM, October 11, 2005  

  • Don't sell out.
    and by having this blog, it certainly seems to me that you havent. Jealousy is not an easy trait to deal with but if you know who you are and where you are headed, then you will know that whatever is destined for you will reach you at the right time.

    By Blogger Karl, at 7:37 PM, December 10, 2005  

  • As I am quiet new in Jewish, looking around for some Jewish information> Got something important here. Nice to get it.
    This piece http://goo.gl/DT6FN of video helped me forgive and let go of my frustration.

    By Blogger jenifa oadud Nitu, at 6:25 AM, July 10, 2012  

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