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Running on Jewish Time

Thursday, June 02, 2005


I am try to be careful, with my smiles, my words, the warmth in my voice to remain professional and not personal. Each man I talk to, I weigh my words, enough so that they listen to me but not so much that they think of me after a parting of the ways.

I wish to walk lightly through their lives, afraid of attracting the wrong kind of attention. I am warm, alive and when I smile my beautiful smile, I make people like me. I should not regard myself as to blame. It is the world at large which must make sure to guard themselves. I have never made a false avowal or statements, and yet between people sometimes a look is too much.

But once in a while, across the parking lot, walking in the street, standing ever so near each other, I catch a glimpse of a private moment between a man and a woman who love each other stronger than death and I feel free.

I cannot touch that. I have no power there. There is something good there that I cannot ruin, that is beyond my strength to change. I do not have to be guarded, weighing each word, each glance, but rather only that I speak with consideration, with tact, with modesty.

Do I long for such a moment? an intimacy I really only know second-hand and second-sight?

do I have to answer such a question? freedom has always been bittersweet to me


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